Wednesday, May 19, 2010

its been too long!!!!!

Its been such a long time since I have updated this blog! I almost completely forgot about it! Life has been so crazy busy that i havent had much time to just sit and blog. Sure i spend time in my email, facebook, editing pictures, Flickr. . . LOL okay i guess i had time i just haven't done it. :)
Since the last time i blogged, we've moved into a house that we bought! YAY! no more renting!! we now live 1 mile from my mom and 6 miles from my mother in law. so much closer!!!
Keegan just had his 4th birthday party and it was a blast!!! He wanted a superhero birthday party so we made him his own special cape, mask, cuffs, outfit ... the whole shabang! we even dressed up as a whole family and his friends came dressed up in superhero outfits too! Of course my mom her husband, my brother and sister in law, and my sister all dressed up too. it was fantastic!!!

my superhero and me!


I was going to put Keegan into preschool, but with seeing how much they ask for preschool... and im a stay at home mom.. i dont think so tim. Im going to keep him in activies through the city and church and that should be enough socializing for him. Hes very smart and wont have trouble in school there. he can count up 25 and is starting read already! he can use the computer all by himself, write and type his name and much much more. smart little booger. when i was 4 i think i was still figuring out where my eyes were.. haha. well not really but pretty close!!!

Keegans health issues have been pretty stable. nothing we cant handle! Right now we have cut out dairy from his diet completely and he'll get rescoped soon to see if his eosinophil count has gone down or not. If it hasnt we'll have to cut out another food to try to find out what the trigger food is. which is always the hard part!

Cameron hasnt had any issues yet medically. I know we were scared when he was born since when he was 4 days old he was turning blue/black and not breathing when he was eating. and ended up staying in the phoenix childrens hospital in the NICU with every test done on the poor kid. Inlucluding so much blood work and IVS that he he popped every vein and ended up needing one in his head.. that he ripped out. poor kid. Hes been about 2 months behind in everything but im sure part of that is me super babying him lol :) hey you know it happens with your second since u realize how fast they really grow.

belly button!


Brian and I went through a pretty rough patch for a little while (which we wont get into right now ) but im thankful for every minute of it because we are closer than we have EVER been!! He recently got baptized too! which was an amazing thing to watch!!! He has been such an incredible Godly Father figure and an example for our family and i couldnt thank God more for that one! When we met/dated and even got married, he didnt believe in God.. and we just agreed to disagree. God works in mysterious ways!! :)

Im having TONS AND TONS AND TONS of medical issues. I love being a girl. Pardon me if i get a little.. graphic...

Pain pain pain and more pain!! Since i can remember ive been in pain. Ive always just dealt with it. Can i get a break?? lol

pre cancerous cells, endometreosis, painful sex, extreme bleeding, extreme cramping, cyst on the ovarie, acute prolapse not to mention all the lovely trips to the bathroom that put me in sweating shaking pain. traveling is a nightmare, pepto always on hand.... its not a very pretty list!

I tried birth control for 2 months to see if it would help with anything. and it made everything worse in the pain department but it controlled some bleeding issues. Over this 2 month period, with lots of research, talking to friends and family and tons of praying about it, hysterectomy is gonna be the route for me. Brian had a vasectomy right before Camerons first birthday because we had discussed that it is impossible for my body to carry another child. Both pregnancies and labor were horrific and painful. When i hear about people having wonderful easy pregnancies i dont even know what that is like! i enjoyed being pregnant because growing a child is very miraculous and i felt very blessed to experience twice but i knew my body couldnt do it again. not to mention it took almost 10 months to get pregnant with Cameron. it may never happen again even if we tried!

After seeing the surgeon again since my last appointment... we scheduled my hysterectomy. I will keep my ovaries and the uterus and cervix will be gone. They use the Da Vinci machine which is a robot basically assisted by the surgeon. the recovery is fast and almost painless.. which eases my mind with 2 small kids running around. i would stay in the hospital over night. only internal stitches, i will be up and walking around with out pain meds in a week. they say take it easy for 4 weeks, no lifting, no exercising etc... but i think thats all managable! im usually down and out for a week every month anyway.

August 5th 2010.. thats the date. Im excited to finally have all this pain gone!! i cant even imagine what that is like... have the SET date makes it real. the best part?? when i travel back to NY in October i wont have to worry about ANY of those problems!! hallelujah!! this is how i feel most of the time when i think about getting this procedure done.. happy and excited with a tinge of anxious and nervousness...

but then.. DUN DUN DUN.... the internet.

UGH! why do i look on the internet!!!??

all these horrible horrific stories about how women wish they never did it. no sex drive. it ruined thier life. taking your uterus is suicide. anyone who gets a hysterectomy who doesnt have cancer is a moron. just on and on and on. yes u run across a few.." best thing i ever did" stories .. but they are few and far between. . . my goodness!

then i keep telling myself.. well u wont have to deal with menopause because youre keeping ovaries... then i see... my ovaries failed 3 months after my hysterectomy my life sucks.
okay wow. am i ready to handle that if it happens to me?

i think i need to stay off the internet and continue to trust God with this issue.

Friends and Family who know me and my situation have described this as a blessing in disguise. even Brian tells me i should be excited to have all this fixed!

But i still cant get those messages out of my head. all those horror stories. But with all the pain that i endure around the clock.. not just 1 week out of the month... i cant imagine it being worse that what i endure now.

If i go into early menopause then so be it.. i mean.. i already am hot all the time and am moody as hell .. maybe it would straighten me out LOL!

i know that its good to look at all the good and all the bad. and in my situation i feel like the good outweight the bad 110%.. but these people on the internet.. scare the caca outta me!!!

Good Grief Charlie Brown!

Thats kind of where our family is at right now. I hope we are up to date!! LOL Ill keep up with my "hysterectomy story" as it progresses. I even told brian i want him to record me before and after i have it lol. we'll see if it really happens.. but i always want to know what i look/sound like after drugs and surgery :)

I hope you have a wonderful week and that your life is being blessed to the fullest!

♥ Lindz aka Mama Potts ♥
vintage me

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